Monday, June 16, 2008

Thoughts on Infertility

I seem to be making a habit of stealing things from other blogs/bios to put in here. You can say I'm lazy but I prefer to think of it as honoring people smarter and more creative than me!

This has been posted in a few other infertility/TTC blogs I read, and I think it makes an interesting point.

So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile?

1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you’ll be able to walk again!

2. You can’t use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn’t have to walk anywhere!

3. My cousin was paralyzed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.

4. I guess God just didn’t mean for you to be able to walk.

5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.

6. Sorry, we don’t cover treatment for paraplegia, because it’s not a life-threatening illness.

7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?

8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk - everywhere I go!

9. But don’t you *want* to walk?

10. You’re just trying too hard. Relax and you’ll be able to walk.

11. You’re so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.

12. I don’t know why you’re being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.

13. I hope you don’t try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.

14. Look at those people hiking… doesn’t that make you want to hike?

15. Just relax, you’ll be walking in no time.

16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.

17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I’d have a permanent limp, but I’m 100% healed.

18. I’d ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.

19. You’re being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.

20. Don’t complain, you get all the good parking places.

21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.

22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!

23. You don’t know how to walk? What’s wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!

24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you’ll walk.

25. Here, touch my legs, then you’ll walk!

26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!

27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.

28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn’t find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…

So here’s a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she’s trying to get pregnant and it’s taking longer than expected, DON’T tell her to just relax. Don’t tell her to adopt and then surely she’ll get pregnant with her own child. Don’t tell her that God has a plan for her. Don’t say, “At least it’s fun trying!”

Scheduling sex with the person you love isn’t fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your ass twice a day isn’t fun. Finding out every single month that - yet again - it didn’t work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.

DO tell her that you’re sorry she’s going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you’re glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don’t bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you’re there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent. And DON’T feel that because she told you that it’s okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever - unless she tells you that it’s okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Calvin and Hobbes get it

This simple little Calvin and Hobbes comic strip so perfectly captures the conflicted feelings of an early miscarriage. Yes, Calvin's talking about a raccoon, but still. Thanks to Totalpanic for letting me borrow it!

(It's a little small but if you click on it you can read the whole thing)

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

You mean this is just my personality?

I had a mini revelation the other day. I was thinking about how I worry about all sorts of stupid little things about this pregnancy - like is diet soda safe or did the rum from the 3 bites of tiramisu I had hurt the babies. I often wish I could be like other people and just relax and enjoy things. I had always attributed my worrying to the fact that I had a miscarriage and that makes me extra cautious. But the truth is, I think I put too much stock in that theory. I'm not sure now that the miscarriage changed much of anything. I really think I would still be this insane if I had never lost a pregnancy. Or even if I got pregnant on the first try. I guess being a neurotic worrywart is just who I am. Pathetic, isn't it?

It's ironic that I write about this today, June 10, which was the EDD (Expected Due Date) of our first baby. It's bittersweet to think that I would either have a newborn right now or would be waiting impatiently to go into labor(and today is effing HOT!) I can't dwell on this for too long, because it does no good. Plus, if I hadn't miscarried, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant with the twins, and I realize now that is how it was supposed to be. The miscarriage was a roadblock along the way - a painful and tragic roadblock - but it was part of our journey to become parents. And I'm having a healthy pregnancy now, which is all that matters.

On another note, I had another appointment with the perinatologist today, and everything looks good. Cervix is closed, heartbeats are right where they should be (145 and 153) and everything seems right on track. Now I just need to wait and let them hang out a few more months!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Where did this crazy bitch come from?

Just when my symptoms started waning, and I had the irrational worry of "I feel good! That means something's wrong with the babies!" something happens to remind me I'm still pregnant. This time, it's the hormones. This weekend I somehow morphed from a semi-normal human being into an inconsolable crying machine. It was nuts. Twice I cried over the dumbest shit ever. The first time, I seriously don't even remember the trigger. I just started crying and couldn't stop. The second time, my husband and I were playing Guitar Hero, and I got mad at myself for screwing up, and he got frustrated at me for getting frustrated.

Then the crying started. And not just normal crying. Hyperventilating-I-need-an-oxygen-mask-now kind of crying. It seriously made no sense. Thank God Brian is a sensitive, new age guy and recognized that I needed a huge hug. I've been prone irrational freak outs before, but this one takes the cake.

So lurking somewhere in the fat rolls of my stomach is Crazy Bitch Laura. I hope she doesn't come around too often, but I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of her.

...even me. And everybody needs a place to let it out. My blog about trying to have a baby, loss, and life in general.