RIP Gracie

Our kitty is gone. She had been sick for a while with either liver or kidney disease. We had actually planned to take her to the vet this week to discuss putting her down. I guess she wanted to go on her own terms. She must have passed last night or early this morning.

She will always have a special place in our hearts because she came into our lives right around the time we got married. She had been a stray that decided to wander into our apartment one day after we had started feeding her outside. We like to say she adopted us. :)

Our sweet little Gracie. At least she's not in pain anymore.



(Gracie is the tiny gray cat on top of the couch)

Crunchy vs. non-crunchy

It's funny. When I was in high school, I wished I had been alive in the 60's so I could experience what it was like to be a true hippie. I did the best I could to recreate that lifestyle as a suburban teen in the early 90's. I became a vegetarian, tie-dyed everything I owned, and lectured everyone I knew on recycling and protecting whales and dolphins. Throughout college and early adulthood, I mellowed out and left my hippie tendencies for a more mainstream and conservative lifestyle.

Nowadays, there seems to be this push towards "crunchy" parenting. It's called crunchy, I believe, because of the tendency of "hippies" to enjoy granola :) Crunchy parenting is a loose term that includes many different things, but the big ones seem to be:

*med-free delivery
*breast-feeding
*staying at home
*co-sleeping
*cloth diapering
*making your own baby food

To me, that sound a lot like the parenting of our grandparent's generation. I am NOT knocking any of those choices, but I find it funny that so many advancements have been made to make things more convenient for mothers, and now so many people want to go back to "the old days". Again, I am NOT knocking any of these choices. Frankly, I think anyone who can commit to all this is a better person than me. Maybe I'm selfish and lazy, but I am happy for the modern conveniences. I understand why these are big trends - cloth diapering is better for the environment, breastfeeding is healthiest for baby, pain meds can slow down labor and cause unnecessary C-sections. However, they are not the only or even best way to do things.

So what makes me "un-crunchy"? Let's see where I fall on the above list:

*med-free delivery - Planned C-section, complete with spinal.
*breast-feeding - FAIL. I tried but the twins have been on exclusively on formula most of their lives.
*staying at home - I work 45 minutes from home and leave the babies in a daycare.
*co-sleeping - Babies have been in their cribs since Day 1.
*cloth diapering - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Pampers are my best friend.
*making your own baby food - I heart Gerber.

I think what bothers me the most is the pressure placed to favor one method over another. I have come to terms with the decisions I made about raising my children, and they were personal decisions, not up for debate amongst anyone else. Why does anyone give a crap how I feed my babies? Why do I care if you cloth diaper or not? I don't know why there has to be so much pressure to do things one way or another. Every parent has to make the decision that is right for their family.

Adventures in solids

The twins have been eating solids for a couple of months now. We started with rice cereal, but Danny had some issues with it being too binding. So we switched to oatmeal, and they like that. So far they've had sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, peaches, pears, green beans, peas, banannas, and applesauce. They're not picky eaters at all! We tried some of the mixed fruit containers and those have been good - with the exception of pears and pineapple. Danny broke out into a rash the day after we tried that. Since he's had pears alone and been fine, and there were no other changes (detergent, clothing, etc.) to cause an allergic reaction, I have to assume it was the pineapple. Of course, once I started reading about food allergies, I learned you're not supposed to give citrus fruit til one year because of the high risk of allergies! Glad I found out now!

I'm looking to start table foods within the next few weeks - maybe egg yolks, pasta, or waffles. We'll see how that goes!

Stats

Danny
Birth stats:
5lb 0 oz
18"

6 month stats:
14lb 6.2 oz
25.5"

Kate
Birth stats:
5lb. 8 oz
16"

6 month stats:
13lb 13.9 oz
24.025"

They are growing so quickly!

Back to blogging

It's time...I've been such a slacker since the babies were born. Understandably I've been busy, but I've decided that I really want to journal the babies' growth and milestones. It's been fun looking back on all my pregnancy posts here, and I want to continue. So here we go.

Danny and Katie are now just over 6 months old. They are the 2 sweetest and cutest babies in the world. (Yes, I am biased and I don't care!) Honestly, they really are such good babies. They certainly have their moments of fussiness and crankiness, but overall they are happy and well behaved. They started sleeping through the night at around 3 months, which was wonderful. Amazingly, they don't wake each other up! They're just now starting to notice each other but haven't really played much together. I can see them (especially Danny) getting ready to try and sit up on their own. Pretty soon they'll be teething and crawling and standing! I cannot believe they are halfway to a year old. In some ways it has taken forever but in others it has flown by.

It was a long and difficult road to get here, but I wouldn't change a second of it.

Their 6 month professional picture:

4.5 months later...my very detailed birth story

Um hi. Yeah, it's been a while. I'm a total slacker on the blogging but I've been busy! I finally managed to type out my birth story. I had journaled everything while in the hospital so it took this long to type everything out!

It's super long and detailed, but I wanted people to know the gory details of a c-section birth - AND the recovery!

Late Thursday morning I got a call from the OB telling me my platelet counts were going down and they wanted to deliver me today rather than tomorrow. We get to the hospital around 1:30pm or so, and I am quickly taken to a room. I figured nothing would happen for at least a few hours, since I had eaten breakfast at 10am and they wanted my stomach empty for about 8 hours. However at around 2pm they mentioned something about starting in an hour.

They give me an alka seltzer to settle my stomach (yeah right) and Brian changes into his scrubs. They then put these pads around my legs which supposedly would prevent blood clots by massaging my legs and keeping blood circulating. Believe me, it’s not nearly as good as it sounds. The anesthesiologist (Dr. Friedman) asks if I can walk to the OR down the hall, so he and the nurse help me get over there. As I walk in I’m amazed at how clinical it all is. I know that sounds stupid, since we’re in a hospital and this is a surgery, but considering birth is supposed to be so natural and instinctual, this seemed weird. The room was cold and I started shaking a bit. There were so many people doing so many things, that I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Thankfully the anesthesiologist was really concerned about me and talked me through everything. He and the nurse helped me up on the table and he started prepping the spinal and gave me an oxygen tube. I could feel him painting on the numbing agent and he told me exactly what he was doing. He warned me the needle was coming, and said I would feel burning and tingling, which I did. Pretty soon my whole lower body was warm and tingly, then I felt nothing. It is a very strange feeling. I get myself adjusted on the table and the shaking gets worse. A lot worse. But it’s only from the chest up. The nurse said that is normal and due to the cold and the spinal.

Brian comes in and holds my hand (as it shakes uncontrollably) and they pull the drape up so I see nothing. Dr. F keeps asking me how I’m feeling, and other than the shaking I feel OK. The other doctors have arrived and suddenly I feel pulling in my abdomen. I really don’t know what is going on, but I feel pressure and pulling. Soon, I hear someone say “here’s a bottom” and before I know it I hear a cry. Baby A is born, and it’s a girl! Katharine Allison is here! For one brief second I see this amazing little baby covered in vernix appear above the drape and I gasp. This is our daughter! I barely have time to process that before they whisk her away to clean her off. Less than one minute later we have another baby! Daniel Owen arrives one minute after his sister. We also get a fast peek at him over the drape, and then he’s off to be cleaned and measured. I wish I could hold him but I know he needs to get examined. The rest of the surgery goes relatively quickly, though I still have no idea what they’re doing. Soon enough though, the babies are cleaned off and they bring each to my chest so we can see them up close. They look beautiful and perfect! To our surprise, Kate is chunkier than Danny, which goes against the ultrasound measurements. Katharine Allison was born at 3:59pm at 5lbs 8 oz and 16 inches. Daniel Owen was born at 4:00pm at 5lb 0 oz and 18 inches. After giving each baby an all too short kiss, they get wheeled away again, back to the nursery.

Brian soon departs for the nursery to check the babies, and they finish up with me. At this point I still have no feeling in my lower body but they need to get me off the table and into a bed. So somehow they manage to turn me over to my side, and I swear, I feel like I’m floating on air. I have no idea what is supporting me below, but it must be something. I somehow make it back to the bed, and they tell me that because of my continued blood pressure issues and to prevent seizures, they’re putting me on magnesium sulfate. I had heard horror stories about this drug and was so glad I didn’t have to get it during my pregnancy. I never thought about the possibility of needing it post partum. Basically, it makes you feel like a zombie. It causes extreme lethargy, hot flashes and headaches. They added the magnesium sulfate (along with pitocin) to my IV. This is in addition to the morphine drip, a catheter, and the aforementioned leg massages things. I was told I was basically a prisoner to the bed until I was off the magnesium. It made sense because I truly couldn’t move on that stuff.

Because of my restrictions, I couldn’t get into the nursery that night to see the babies, so I relied on Brian to go check on them and bring me back updates. He was so amazing to me during this whole time, from making sure I was comfortable, to relaying information to me, to keeping everyone else informed and out of my way if I needed to rest. The babies were doing well, but needed to stay in the Special Care nursery because they were having some breathing troubles and needed extra oxygen.

Thursday night was pretty bad for me. After my time in recovery I was taken to a regular room and got to see my parents and in-laws. After everyone left I kept getting checked out. My mouth was so unbelievably dry, so I was allowed ice chips which were a godsend. I also started feeling very itchy in my face and eventually all over, which was a s/e of the morphine. They could give me Benadryl, which would make me even groggier. Yet even between the painkillers, the mag, and the Benadryl, I couldn’t truly sleep – I just felt completely lethargic. It was also hard to sleep with nurses coming in every hour to check my BP, my catheter, my reflexes, and my belly (they just cut it open and yanked out 2 babies so guess what – it HURTS when you press on it!) Plus, the Benadryl wasn’t helping the itching, so I got another drug (Nubian) which helped but not completely. I was also itchy on my legs from the pads all over me. They started getting sweaty and were just annoying from the constant pulsating. But I knew they had to stay on til I got off the magnesium.

After a terribly long and sleepless night (and mind you, I STILL hadn‘t seen my babies since I delivered) I saw Dr. Adibi from my OB practice in the morning. He said because of my blood pressure he wanted to keep me on the magnesium til about 5 that day (total of 24 hours). I was really really hoping I could get off it that morning so I could see the babies, so that news was so disappointing. As soon as I left I started crying because I felt cheated out of spending time with my babies. Every mother wants to be with her child, and I was chained to the bed while they were in the Special Care nursery. I was denied the basic right of bonding with my babies right away, and I was worried I would never feel that bond. I was jealous of every mom who got to be with their baby right away. They couldn’t bring the babies to me because of all the tubes and monitors, but a sneaky nurse who heard about my crying found a way to sneak them out of the nursery and into my room so I could hold each of them for a minute. She wasn’t supposed to do that, but I so needed that and I was utterly grateful to her.

Finally, at 5pm, they took me off the mag. They took out the catheter and I was allowed out of bed. I put on my robe and hopped into a wheelchair, because come hell or high water, I was going to see my babies. They looked so tiny and fragile hooked up to all the monitors, but they were beautiful.

Everything else about Kate and Danny in the NICU and Danny being transferred to CHOP is a whole other story.

Halloween babies!

Well, the last couple of days have been interesting to say the least. I went to the hospital on Monday night for my usual non-stress test. I had dropped off my lovely pee jug that morning so I was hoping to find out the results. I did. They found mild amounts of protein in my urine. That combined with the swelling and elevated blood pressure confirmed what I was fearing - I have pre-eclampsia. The doctor on call at the hospital wanted to keep an eye on me and see if anything changed, so they admitted me Monday night. I had to collect my urine once again and they checked my BP every 2 hours. They kept saying there was a good chance I could deliver this week, before I hit 35 weeks, but they wanted to keep monitoring things. So I had been mentally preparing myself to deliver today and having the babies spend a week or so in the NICU. It wasn't my ideal situation, but I had come to terms with it.

So this morning the doctor comes back after reviewing my labs and I'm certain she's going to say we're doing the C-section today since my protein counts had gone up (up from 380 on Monday to 550 today when they want 300 or less). Instead, she says that being on bedrest at the hospital has helped bring my blood pressure down enough that they feel OK with the babies cooking another week. Plus, my protein counts are at the low end of mild pre-e (severe is considered 5,00 or more and I was only at 500). So I was released today and am on bedrest - I can get up to pee and can shower quickly and walk downstairs, but that's about it. I also need to collect my pee yet again and come back Friday and Monday for more labs and non-stress tests.

I am so happy that the babies will cook for another week, but I had been preparing myself to deliver today that it seems weird I won't be meeting them til next week. Obviously this is the for the best, since they will be born at 36 weeks and will most likely need very little if any NICU time. As of Tuesday they are measuring well - Danny is 5lbs 3 oz and Kate is 5 lbs 1 oz, which is exactly on target.

The hardest thing for me was coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't the babies who were ready to come - it was my body that was failing. I know it's not my fault or anything, but I feel bad that my body and this condition is what's basically threatening them.

So the wndrtwns have a birthday - October 31!

My first trip (and fall) to L&D

Well, yesterday I was my usual graceful self and managed to trip over a computer wire in my office. Thankfully, I fell straight down on my knees, not my belly. I could feel both babies moving afterwards and I didn't have any bleeding or leaking, which is good. But it still freaked me out, so I called the OB. I was scheduled to start having non stress tests this week anyway, so they decided to have me come in for that a few hours earlier, so I left work right away. Brian met me at the hospital and we went up to the maternity ward for the first time.

Basically what a non stress test (NST) does is monitor the babies' heart rates, and checks to see if they accelerate with movement (which they should). It also measures any uterine contractions I might be having. Katie was being quite stubborn and wouldn't let the nurse get a good reading on her heart beat. This of course scared us, even though the nurse and I could both feel her move. The nurse eventually had to get an ultrasound machine to be able to see exactly where her heart was. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she found the heartbeat. Remind me to ground Katie later for being a brat :)

Danny was much more cooperative than his sister and she found heart rate right away. So there were 2 monitors strapped to my belly, then a third was placed to measure my contractions. Plus an absurdly tight blood pressure cuff that I swear was going to cut my arm off. Oh, and I was supposed to stay perfectly still through all this. That was fun. Plus, I'm supposed to go back and do this twice a week.

Overall, the wndrtwns did very well and were moving around a lot. There was no reason to believe that the fall caused any problems. That was certainly a relief. I was told to drink a lot more water - it's possible that dehydration was causing the sporadic Braxton Hicks contractions I've been having the last week or so.

Oh, and today is a bittersweet anniversary - it was exactly one year ago today I found out I was pregnant the first time.

The end is in sight

The end of working, at least. Initially, my OB was OK with me just working up until about a week before the C-section, provided there were no issues with the babies. But she was ready to pull me out right away if there were any problems. Last week I went to the perinatologist (high risk Dr.) and everything is fine with the babies, but he still wants me to stop working or at least work from home starting around 33-34 weeks (which is about 2 weeks away). His concern is not about actually working (I sit at a desk most of the day) but the 45 minute commute each way. He would rather I not be in the car for that long and be too far from a hospital in case I have contractions while driving, etc. So he's recommending I at least try working from home for a couple weeks and then stop working altogether around 35 weeks.

So now I need to have that conversation with my boss. He'll be fine with it - he has 2 kids and his wife is currently pregnant again so I know he'll understand. I was just looking forward to saving as much of my vacation and sick time as possible for after the babies get here so I could get paid in full rather than the 70% I'd get from STD. But I'll do whatever I need to. I've been having some sporadic contractions, so I don't want to take any chances. So now I guess I need to finalize my maternity leave plan!

I promise, those are not track marks

One of the things that most pregnant women have to do is take a glucose tolerance test. This is usually done around 26-28 weeks or so. Most only have to take 1 test - it takes an hour and if you pass, you're done. This glucose test will determine if you are at risk for gestational diabetes - a serious but treatable condition that rarely shows symptoms, so it's really important to get this test done. As usual, with twins I'm considered high risk for GD so I took the test seriously.

The one hour test was manageable. The worst part was drinking the nasty orange drink. I have never been able to chug anything, so it was tough trying to get it down in only 5 minutes. But I did, and I sat and waited an hour to get my blood drawn. I felt sort of queasy during the wait and then afterwards til I could eat, but it wasn't too bad. I left thinking, "Well, I'm glad that's over, and I'm sure I won't have to do it again."

Not so much. A couple days later my doctor calls and says my levels were slightly elevated and they want me to take the 3 hour test. Here's the kicker - the numbers they want to see are 135 or below. I had 136. Yes, 136. I was off by 1 freakin' point. Just my luck.

So I scheduled the 3 hr test, and decided to just take the whole day off from work in case I felt sick. I was supposed to fast for 12 hours, then drink a glucose drink twice as strong as last time and wait another 3 hours. I had a feeling that if I felt queasy after the 1 hr, this would be even worse. So I fasted, but made sure to stuff myself with high protein snacks right before the fasting started so I wouldn't be super hungry. Surprisingly, I felt pretty OK. I got the drink down and then began waiting. The blood draws were the worst part. I had to give a baseline blood sample before drinking, then another 3 every hour. I have terrible veins and phlebotomists and nurses always have issues finding a good vein from me. So trying to do this 4 times in 3 hours was not pleasant. I ended up with 2 prick marks in my right arm, one in my left, and one in my left hand. And they're nasty looking, too. I looked like a heroin addict or something with all these holes and bruises. It's been over a week now and I still have the bruises.

(Oh, and because I must be a glutton for punishment, I scheduled my Rhogam shot for the same afternoon. So that was another needle prick and another bruise - this time in my upper arm. Good times.)

So now it's over. I felt a little dizzy afterwards but was so happy to get home and be able to eat. After eating and resting for a while at home I felt good, so it wasn't nearly as bad as I had feared. Oh, and this time, I actually passed :) Yay!

I'm it!

I've been tagged by Erin (E_Sharp)


The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Write 6 random things about yourself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

1. I have a severe phobia of bats - I get freaked out seeing them even for a second on TV. I don't even like to listen to people talk about bats.
2. I didn't get on an airplane til I was 24 years old.
3. When I was 10 my parents and I drove cross country in an RV. We saw the Grand Canyon and rode up the CA coast. It was awesome.
4. I hate to have food touch each other. Those disposable plates with the 3 separate areas are one of the greatest inventions ever.
5. I sometimes wonder if there will ever be something I can excel at. I feel like I am so average at everything I do. Even the things I think I'm good at - I'm really just average.
6. I despise wearing closed toed shoes. I would wear flip flops and sandals all year long if I weren't afraid of my feet falling off from the cold.


Now, who should I tag?
1. Stephanie (alpacabunny)
2. Tamara (lovelifeinthesouth)
3. Sara (Calhoun)
4. Mandie (Just Boo)
5. Jennifer (Chrysallys)
6. Mandy (mandybr)

What a difference 2 weeks makes...

Well, it's official. I have "popped". Any worries I had about not looking big enough for twins are laughable. At my last OB appt, I was 26 weeks and measured 32. Strangers ask whe I'm due and nearly have a heart attack when I tell them not til November. I am officially huge. And trust me, I am not complaining. I absolutely love the big belly and feeling the wndrtwns kicking me like crazy. I love that my pregnancy is obvious to the world. And I'm really curious to see just how big I become!

Here are the latest belly pics - there is quite a difference between the second and third!

21 weeks, 5 days



24 weeks, 2 days




26 weeks, 3 days



Quite a difference, isn't it? And for a comparison with a singleton pregnancy, here is a picture of me with my friend at her baby shower - she is EIGHT weeks AHEAD of me. Now she was super skinny to begin with, but still.

Cheese, turkey breast, and a fistfight please...

So this weekend I experienced my most exciting trip to grocery store ever. As I'm sure you would agree, grocery shopping is not exactly the most glamorous chore ever. But sometimes, excitement happens when you least expect it.

It was about 8:30 on a Sunday night, in my little teeny suburban town. I went to the deli counter to buy some cheese, and got in the obligatory line. Suddenly I hear yelling, and I look up to see what was going on. I see another customer - a pretty big and muscular guy - screaming at someone behind the counter - a young looking and scrawny kid about 19 or 20. Suddenly the big guy walks behind the counter, still screaming and grabs the kid by the throat. He's actually choking this kid and then punches him in the face. Everyone is yelling at him to stop, people are grabbing their cell phones to call the police, and a couple of brave customers even got behind the counter to try and break it up. I swear to God, I didn't know where I was for a second. This kind of thing is not supposed to happen at the Giant in Souderton. This is a nothing little town.

So eventually the guys are separated and people try to figure out what prompted all this. Supposedly what happended is this kid made some sort of disparaging remark about the customer's wife (who was in the store, but was doing other shopping while he waited at the deli counter). Apparently these 2 are regular customers and the kid had been saying stuff to/about her for a while. I guess he couldn't deal with his wife being disrespected so he felt he had to defend her honor. I have to say, that while I admire the sentiment of standing up for your wife, there has got to be a way to deal with it in a non-violent way.

What really killed me was the fact that this dude would start a fight in front of his 10 or 12 year old son. Is that really the behavior you want to role model to your kid? Especially since it was obviously not a fair fight - the kid was a beanpole and this guy was all muscle. The couple even tried to leave before the police got there, not believing he had done anything wrong. But the cops got there as they were leaving, and all of us who witnessed the fight were asked to give a report. Muscle Joe got arrested, and the manager took the kid outside to talk - I'd be curious to know if he still has a job. Even though he was the victim in this situation, other customers claim they did hear him making comments about the guy's wife. Definitely not appropriate.

So what was supposed to be a quick trip to pick up a couple items turned into an hour of drama and reports. So be careful next time you have a "mundane" chore to do. You never know what kind of excitement and fireworks might be brewing ahead at that post office or Target.

Introducing our babies- ultrasound pictures!

Here are some of our latest ultrasound pictures. I may be biased but I think they're pretty damn cute :)

Baby A - Katharine (Kate)



Baby B - Daniel (Danny)



Katie sucking her thumb



Danny waving



3D image of Kate



3D image of Danny

Ultrasound today!

This was the big one - the Level 2 u/s in which we would get to see the babies' development and growth, and make sure everything was going smoothly. Oh yeah, and find out the sexes too!

I have had a feeling for weeks now that there was at least one boy in there. I have no real reason to believe this, just mother's intuition I guess. I thought we might even end up with 2 boys. Maybe it's because having 2 boys seems scary to me (I'm definitely a girly girl) so I was mentally preparing myself. We would have been thrilled with anything, but one of each would be ideal.

Anyway, everything measured well and both babies are developing normally! Phewww. I can't tell you what a relief that is.

Ok, here are the results and the real reason you're reading (I know you probably skipped ahead to see this ;)

Baby A - GIRL!

Baby B - BOY!

I thought it was funny that when the ultrasound tech was looking for the genitals of Baby B, she wouldn't say penis. Yet she had no problem pointing out his scrotum. "Here's his scrotum, and here's his, um, boy part!" You can say scrotum but you can't say penis? I think scrotum is a weirder word than penis, but whatever.

The only semi-disappointing news was that the doctor pretty much shot down my little remaining chance of having a vaginal birth. I had been told earlier that I had about an 80% chance of needing a C-section, which I was OK with. I've been mentally preparing myself for a C-section but I knew that 20% chance still existed if both babies were head down. But because of the placement of Baby B's cord, it doesn't look like that will happen. With twins it's common for the babies' cords to be more to the edges of the placenta rather than in the center. With a vaginal birth, there's a very good chance that the strain of delivery could cause a serious hemorrhage in the babies, which is obviously dangerous. He basically said I should just schedule a C-section around 37 or so weeks, and if I go into labor any earlier than that, they will just do a C-section then. Pretty much anytime after 34 weeks they won't bother to stop the labor. So while it's somewhat disappointing, I will do whatever is recommended to keep me and my babies safe. And hey, now we get to pick their birthday! :)

I'm being brave...belly shots!

One thing that drives me crazy about seeing belly pics in other people's bios or blogs is that every.single.one of them are super skinny pre-pregnancy. They have flat-as-a-washboard abs til about 8 weeks or so, and then suddenly they get the cutest, tiniest little bump.

Um, yeah, mine aren't like that.

I had a belly pre-pregnancy. So my pregnant belly is really more like 2 bumps - one that's babies, and one above it that's just fat. I'm halfway through the pregnancy and still waiting for that to go away. Not so much. So I have decided to show you all some REAL belly pictures. I hope you enjoy!

::deep breath::

10 weeks, 6 days



14 weeks, 1 day




19 weeks, 4 days




19 weeks, 5 days - full shot

East Coast vs. West Coast

I spent last week away from my cozy home in suburban Philadelphia, and was all the way across the country in Olympia, Washington for a conference. Olympia is about an hour south of Seattle and might honestly be one of the most beautiful areas I've ever seen. I couldn't help but notice some major differences between this area and my home back East.

I am a Northerner, a true Jersey girl. With the exception of 2 years in graduate school, I have never lived outside of the New York or Philadelphia metro areas. I loved my time as a graduate student in Virginia, and was happy to get to know another part of the country. Southerners are just so sweet and friendly, but it took some getting used to. Everything is sooooooo slow, and it feels like there's nothing to do. As much as I loved it down there, I was often aching to go back to the craziness and activity of home.

Those who live in the Northeast (which I'm defining as the Boston/New England area down to Washington DC, and about as far west as Pittsburgh) are very different from the rest of the country. Quite frankly, we don't like anybody. We don't trust strangers, we're always stressed out because of traffic and congestion, and we always need to get where we're going a ridiculous hurry. Yet in my limited experience with the rest of the country, it seems that people in the South, Midwest, and West Coast are (gasp!) NICE! It's shocking at first, but I found it to be quite refreshing.

One thing I noticed about Olympia (and possibly Washington State in general) was a strong focus on environmental issues and vegan/organic lifetsyles. Nearly every restaurant we looked at had several vegan options, and even the microbrewery we went to served organic beer. (Wish I could have had some!)

The folks of Olympia also seem to be much more liberal when it comes to, um, chemical enhancement. (Translation - the city is a bunch of stoners.) We passed by a restaurant with a huge sign that read "NO ALCOHOL OR DRUGS". You know you're in a special place when the banning of already illegal substances needs to be clearly spelled out.

The people are interesting too. We were walking towards the microbrewery when this random guy comes up to someone in our group (one of the most unassuming guys you'll ever meet) and says, "Dude, I bet you 5 bucks I can hit you harder than you can hit me!" Yeah, cause that's a bet you want to take. Needless to say, we kept on walking, chuckling to ourselves. I guess he must have been kicked out of the NO ALCOHOL OR DRUGS place.

All in all, it was a great experience, but I must admit I was happy to come back to the humidty, traffic, and general crabbiness of Philadelphia. Welcome home.




The incredible Mt. Rainier, which is simply amazing.

Thoughts on Infertility

I seem to be making a habit of stealing things from other blogs/bios to put in here. You can say I'm lazy but I prefer to think of it as honoring people smarter and more creative than me!

This has been posted in a few other infertility/TTC blogs I read, and I think it makes an interesting point.

So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile?

1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you’ll be able to walk again!

2. You can’t use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn’t have to walk anywhere!

3. My cousin was paralyzed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.

4. I guess God just didn’t mean for you to be able to walk.

5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.

6. Sorry, we don’t cover treatment for paraplegia, because it’s not a life-threatening illness.

7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?

8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk - everywhere I go!

9. But don’t you *want* to walk?

10. You’re just trying too hard. Relax and you’ll be able to walk.

11. You’re so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.

12. I don’t know why you’re being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.

13. I hope you don’t try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.

14. Look at those people hiking… doesn’t that make you want to hike?

15. Just relax, you’ll be walking in no time.

16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.

17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I’d have a permanent limp, but I’m 100% healed.

18. I’d ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.

19. You’re being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.

20. Don’t complain, you get all the good parking places.

21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.

22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!

23. You don’t know how to walk? What’s wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!

24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you’ll walk.

25. Here, touch my legs, then you’ll walk!

26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!

27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.

28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn’t find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…

So here’s a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she’s trying to get pregnant and it’s taking longer than expected, DON’T tell her to just relax. Don’t tell her to adopt and then surely she’ll get pregnant with her own child. Don’t tell her that God has a plan for her. Don’t say, “At least it’s fun trying!”

Scheduling sex with the person you love isn’t fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your ass twice a day isn’t fun. Finding out every single month that - yet again - it didn’t work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.

DO tell her that you’re sorry she’s going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you’re glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don’t bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you’re there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent. And DON’T feel that because she told you that it’s okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever - unless she tells you that it’s okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity.

Calvin and Hobbes get it

This simple little Calvin and Hobbes comic strip so perfectly captures the conflicted feelings of an early miscarriage. Yes, Calvin's talking about a raccoon, but still. Thanks to Totalpanic for letting me borrow it!

(It's a little small but if you click on it you can read the whole thing)

You mean this is just my personality?

I had a mini revelation the other day. I was thinking about how I worry about all sorts of stupid little things about this pregnancy - like is diet soda safe or did the rum from the 3 bites of tiramisu I had hurt the babies. I often wish I could be like other people and just relax and enjoy things. I had always attributed my worrying to the fact that I had a miscarriage and that makes me extra cautious. But the truth is, I think I put too much stock in that theory. I'm not sure now that the miscarriage changed much of anything. I really think I would still be this insane if I had never lost a pregnancy. Or even if I got pregnant on the first try. I guess being a neurotic worrywart is just who I am. Pathetic, isn't it?

It's ironic that I write about this today, June 10, which was the EDD (Expected Due Date) of our first baby. It's bittersweet to think that I would either have a newborn right now or would be waiting impatiently to go into labor(and today is effing HOT!) I can't dwell on this for too long, because it does no good. Plus, if I hadn't miscarried, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant with the twins, and I realize now that is how it was supposed to be. The miscarriage was a roadblock along the way - a painful and tragic roadblock - but it was part of our journey to become parents. And I'm having a healthy pregnancy now, which is all that matters.

On another note, I had another appointment with the perinatologist today, and everything looks good. Cervix is closed, heartbeats are right where they should be (145 and 153) and everything seems right on track. Now I just need to wait and let them hang out a few more months!