Well, there's been a lot going on this week. Brian came home from his trip Thursday night (Valentine's Day, of course) and the moment he gets home we run up to bed. No, not for romance (get your mind out of the gutter) but because he is as sick as a dog. Apparently everyone at that conference had the same nasty bug, and Brian was not immune. So my weekend was spent playing nursemaid, then patient because of course I caught whatever it was.
Then I get my latest progesterone results, and I nearly have a heart attack because they have doubled from last time. They went from 13.3 to 27.9. That sort of jump seemed crazy to me, so because I have to overanalyze everything, I make myself crazy thinking it means I'm pregnant. But guess what? All it means my progesterone is high. Nothing more, because I am decidedly NOT pregnant. But hey, it wouldn't be me if I didn't overreact to something, right!
Finally, today was the big RE appointment. We talked about a lot, and after some tests were scheduled, we decided to try IUI (intrauterine insemination) this cycle. It's strange to think about the fact that I'll be getting pregnant in a doctor's office instead of by having sex with my husband. But overall what matters is a healthy baby, and in the long run, does it matter how it happened? That's how I keep trying to think about it, but it's still weird. It sort of feels like giving up, even though I know it's actually our best shot. So I imagine I'll be spending some time wrapping my mind around that.
DH left early this morning for a business trip. He'll be gone til Thursday. Not a long time, but it still sucks. I kind of like the first night alone - having the house to myself, eating anything I want for dinner, and watching trash TV and Nesting to my heart's content. But I hate going to sleep without him next to me, and that's when I really start to miss him. I guess I need to keep myself busy til Thursday and try not to think about it.
I also got a gigantic mailing today from my RE office. Our first appointment is next Thursday. I'm a little nervous but also happy to be moving forward and hopefully getting a plan of action.
Of course, I am secretly hoping I'll get a BFP on Wednesday so I can cancel the appointment. I'm not holding out much hope, but anything's possible, right?
Well, fertility-wise at least. Anything else, well...
Anyway, DH did the SA on Friday, and it looks like everything is good! All the numbers came back in the normal range (motility was on the low end of normal, but it's not enough to cause a problem.)
I am so happy because now this is one less thing to worry about. DH was so worried that there was going to be a problem with him, but I had a feeling everything was fine. It means that if there is a problem it's with me, and that's easier for me to handle. I know, I know, if one person is infertile, then the couple is infertile. But I just feel like I'm more prepared to deal with whatever comes next...I've been preparing for it.
I'm now waiting for my Dr. to call me back so we can talk about where to go from here!
Sometimes a song just connects with you. I'm a huge Bon Jovi fan, and the first time I heard this song I felt like it was written for me and my TTC journey. Hence, the reason for my blog title. Here's the lyrics - hope you enjoy!
Welcome to the party, Come on in and disappear, You're feeling like stranger, But all your friends are here, Little lies and cracks, Around your eyes and mouth, Something's trying to get in, Something's trying to get out, It's ok, to be a little broken, Everybody's broken, in this life, It's ok, to feel a little broken, Everybody's broken, your alright, It's just life, Step into the deep end, Make yourself at home, When you wonder why your breathing, Know you're not alone, Its so hard to believe, Its easier to doubt, You're trying to hold in, But you're dying to scream out, It's ok to be a little broken, Everybody's broken, In this life, It's ok to feel a little broken, Everybody's broken, you're alright, It's alright, it's just life [Solo] Take a look around, Tell me what you see, Is who you think you are, Who you want to be, It's ok, to be a little broken, Everybody's broken, in this life, It's ok, to feel a little broken, Everybody's broken, you're alright, Just keep on going, Eyes wide open, Everybody's broken Everybody's broken Everybody's broken Everybody's broken Everybody's broken Everybody's broken Yeah